Tuesday, July 31, 2012

FOREVER YOUNG/ a poem for my mom


                                                        SHE APPEARED IN MY DREAM

                               The other night, she appeared in my dream
                               looking so happy
                               and whispered, "I'm okay"

                               But I didn't want to let  go
                               because she called me
                               every morning, every afternoon
                               her voice soothing
                               well sometimes not

                               Because like any relationship
                               between mother and daughter
                               we had our disagreements
                               our many ups and downs

                               Yet we always ended our conversation
                               with love in our heart, and of course
                               with some of her worldly advice

                                And hence, as the days slip by
                                I still find myself waiting
                                for her call, to hear her voice
                                once again
                                But I know she is somewhere up above
                                listening to me, and letting me know
                                that her spirit will always live on
                                inside of me

I wrote this poem for you mom, and I know if I read this to her, she would say, that's really nice, you are so good with words.  Whether I was or not, mom always complimented me on my writing, and I'll always treasured the times,I shared my words with her.

So mom you will always be FOREVER YOUNG

Friday, July 20, 2012

FOREVER YOUNG/ mom's greatest gift of all

The last few weeks I've been gathering all my mom's insurance policies, and sending out the necessary forms, and finally the last one was sent out.

My mom had everything in order.  

And this the greatest gift of all... she made it so much easier for me, to take care of her last requests.. She was always organized and detailed.... for I'm the same way, and when my time comes, I will do exactly as she did, so my children won't have to do a thing, because it will already be written down.

Now I will take myself away from this blog, and maybe in a few days or weeks, I'll write something great.... and there is a poem I want to share with you, maybe tomorrow or the next day... It was written about my mom and I think all who read my blog will relate to it, regardless if you are a man or woman, it fits everyone, or at least I hope it does.... then maybe I could be wrong, but I hope you'll like it anyway.

until next time FOREVER YOUNG

Saturday, July 14, 2012

FOREVER YOUNG/ my dreams and my reality

They say time heals all wounds, and I know this to be true to some point. Because in life, there are many things that happen which will bring up memories, some good, and some bad.

So it's with this, my memories this morning are mixed.  I dreamt of my mom, and she didn't look well, yet she did, if this makes sense.  She was smoking, which she shouldn't be, and had quit the last six months of her life, not because she wanted to, but because her body didn't want it any longer.

She also smelled my glass of wine, but didn't drink from the glass... the meaning I don't know.

It was a strange dream, and it woke me up. But there are many nights  I wake up around 3:30am sometimes from a dream, sometimes not,  and then I can't go back to sleep, and when I do, dreams just come to me....

I do dream a lot,  and I do remember most of them, or at least the last half of them,and therefore, and maybe one day I will write a book based on my dreams, ... that I can only tell...  I guess I have such a vivid mind, and the brain waves just don't end when I close my eyes.,

I also have the funniest things happen to me, in my dreams.   Good thing many of my dreams, don't happen to me in real life, or you would think that I was some kind of crazy person.. which I can assure you, I'm not.

But I have to say, I like dreaming and maybe I'm the lucky one, and can live through them, going on those many journeys, because in real life, I 'm such a realist and don't know how to use my imagination, and as a writer, that's not good.

We all need to have fantasies. I believe it helps us cope with everyday life.  It gets us through the tough times. I just need to do  more of this and then maybe the greatest story will emerge, and finally I would have accomplished what I set out to do, and leave behind my legacy, like many authors before me. For ex.. John Steinbeck just to name one... but of course there are so many more...

Okay that's enough of me babbling about my dreams and my reality, but I hope they will always be


Tuesday, July 10, 2012

FOREVER YOUNG/stories,memories

Okay,  I've decided to put myself in gear, and get ready to fight the fight of writing once again. I don't know what it will be, but I assure you, they will be  good stories/memories, well maybe not.lol..

Like the time when I was six years old, and my mother turned me upside down,  in the middle of the block, while walking home, because I accidently ate a penny that lodged in my throat. And of course I was choking.  She saved my life. that's what mother's do.... protecting their child...

And of course after this terrible episode, and years and years after, I cannot swallow a single pill.  Well that's not exactly true, I can take an aspirin etc..as long as it's very tiny.... but that's about all.  I only have to look at a pill, and my throat begins to tighten up, restricting me from swallowing it.

So needless to say, I either have to crush the pills, or take liquid.. ugh.... but that's the way it is..

Yes there are many stories/memories to tell. Many good ones, many bad ones, and I'm sure all of you can relate to that. And I'm also sure many of you have stories/memories to tell as well. Probably they would make for one hell of a good book.  Don't you think?  After all we all have one great book inside of us, just have to write it.... right??

Therefore,  if you don't mind, every now and then, I will share some stories/memories with you.. it helps me to know that even though my mom is gone, she's still  in my heart .... and will of course never be forgotten....   She was a funny person, always making me laugh, and yes always making me crazy at the same time, and making me want to holler and fight, but that just fed our relationship, a close one at that....

Others who watched us, wouldn't believe that, but they didn't know us... and will never know how we truly loved one another... Just goes to show you, you can't judge a book by its cover.... it's an old saying, but true...

So now I leave you, and just remember that memories of a loved one, will always be,  FOREVER YOUNG

Monday, July 9, 2012

FOREVER YOUNG/just rambling on... and on, and on.

It's been a trying week for me... Gathering all the things that need to be done.. finalizing my mother's wishes and making sure all is in place and tied up nicely..

I often wish, when I write my blog, that  I can come up with something witty on spontaneous, but unfortunately, that doesn't happen too often, for the mere fact that my mind is always thinking of the logistics and reality of a situation.. the make believe world doesn't exist for me, I wish it did.   I would love to fantasize. It would be great to live in a dream world, and walking in a dreamlike state of mind.

But it is not to be, because as I said before, I am a realist and live in the real world.

Although as a writer, I do need to go outside of the box, and explore other possibilities. I need my mind to open up the channels, and conjure up characters, making them come alive so I can tell their story...

I patiently await for this to happen, but for now, I need to hide from myself. My grief for my mom, too deep, too strong to ignore, yet I need to keep moving on.

Mom wouldn't want it any other way.  She believed in me and therefore, I must believe in myself.  Even though I'm older, there is still time for me to accomplish what I need, or have to too. A fulfillment within myself that needs to be quenched...

So forgive this rambling on, and maybe I'll ramble on some more.  It seems to suit me for the moment, and who know what can come of it, maybe a great story or two... therefore

Rambling on will always be FOREVERYOUNG

Friday, July 6, 2012

FOREVER YOUNG/my mom's strength lives on

As my blog followers know, I've written some stories about my mom, and wanted to let you know, that she passed away a few days ago.

My mom fought many battles and struggled all in her life to survive. Working many jobs to support myself and my brother and sister.   She could have given up many times, but didn't. She could have felt sorry for herself, but didn't. she just kept plugging away, doing the best she could under any given circumstances, regardless of the many obstacles that stood in her way. Because she always hoped for the best outcome....  

I was one of the fortunate ones, to see my mom live to the age of 88.  Not many have that opportunity, So I was truly blessed. I never knew my grandparents.... but my kids knew mom... what a gift I was given that she  lived so long to see my children grow up, as well as my brothers and sisters children.  She will be missed... so I celebrate my mom's life, that's how she would have wanted it.

Mom would say, stop crying, it gets me upset, so I will try not to, but as you all know, that can be an impossible request..... but as time moves forward, I know it will become less painful, and I will have the memories, which  are deeply embedded in my heart..

So mom, you will always be FOREVER YOUNG